A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. —Proverbs 15:1.
Why is it so hard to endure unjust and unfair criticism? Why do we feel that we have to defend ourselves regardless of how ridiculous or unfair the accusations against us are? Why do we have to have the last word in any argument, or look to get even if we don’t?
Often, the problems we have with others in an argument escalate because we do not choose “a gentle answer.”
So, why do we not choose “a gentle answer”? These are the excuses I hear from others, and sometimes I make them myself:
- “I don’t want to appear to be weak!”
- “I don’t like to lose at anything!”
- “I don’t want that person to have the last word!”
- “I resent the unfair things, the demeaning things, that person called me!”
When I look at these excuses—some of them are my excuses—the same pronoun appears again and again: the pronoun, “I.” And what is in the middle of all sin? A great big ol’ “I,” always—sIn! We lose sight of saying what is in “the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4) and poison our influence on others because of our selfish, “I”-infected speech. In place of the “I” problem, let’s focus on saying “only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29). To do that means that we use “a gentle answer”!